I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
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