I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
