I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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