Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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