if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
