so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
