I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize