Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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