Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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