marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
