I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
