Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize