i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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