found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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