i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
