Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I'm jealous of your bromance
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Randomize
