I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
