Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
