You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
