She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Randomize
