Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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