I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
literally had 100 drinks last night.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
