Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
