over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
