So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
