Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
