I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
NoShamevember. You game?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
