so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
