i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
