in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
