sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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