i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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