I cockslap morals
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Such a big mess for such a small penis
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
