I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
