she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
