but the lizard people decide everything anyway
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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