i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
