420 ftw
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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