I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
