you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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