The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
