the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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