new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize