What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
