I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
