I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
