we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
