Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
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