she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
