Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
