ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
A bitchslap is in order.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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