Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
