i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
