The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
