smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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