We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
