it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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