I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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