As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
what day is it and did you see me today?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
