SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
