He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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