MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Ladies don't puke and tell
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
