just tell him i said nine months
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
