True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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