White coat. Heels.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
