A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
