i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
