The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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