Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
