remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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