It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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