I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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